Most people see me as a Chinese pro, even my cousin. How pro am I or used to be? I came from an all-Chinese school, Maha Bodhi School and though I didn't take Higher Chinese for my PSLE, I was eligible to take this special subject in secondary school.
It has not been easy coming this far. Chinese has always been one of my strongest subject ever since I started interacting with it. I would simply say it's my life. My parents both came from Chinese schools and are more or less considered very traditional Chinese with a rather open mind. So you can see how significant this language is in my family.
Other than my Da Jie (elder sister), nobody else had an opportunity to get close to this higher level of study towards my mother tongue amongst my siblings. Da ge (elder bro) told me that I should hold on to 2 very important subjects - A-maths and Higher Chinese- because they not everyone have a chance to study both of them and these 2 subjects can certainly help anyone in future.
So, days before I got my results back, I was rather confident that I could easily achieve my first safe high distinction of an A1 for my 'O's. Today, I wasn't at all nervous till when the Principal revealed the scorers and distinction rates. All that was in my head was A1 A1 A1 A1 A1 and nothing but A1. Weilin, beside me, was like : I know I didn't do well. I think I'm going to drop (Higher Chinese).
A1s were still moving randomly in all directions in my mind, just like how gas particles move around.
The queue was super long. I saw Mr Ngoi standing at the gallery. At that moment, I couldn't wait to get my A1 to show him.
Finally after struggling in the crowd of queue (if you know what that means), I got that slip of paper. I didn't want to take a look at it till I got out of the 'O' level candidates crowd.
Vivian and Lifeng and all were like: Hey councillor, how much did you get? I was like: Hehe, don't know; haven't seen yet. Vivian was like: Okay, I help you see. And I showed her the side with the printed results. She was like: Oh, not bad, still can take Higher Chinese. And I thought she purposely wanted to make it sound like I didn't get an A1. So when I was at the corridor, I took a glance.
Grade Alphabetical : A
Grade Numerical : TWO
I couldn't help it. People like Isabel shedded tears of joy. People like Bryan Halim and Taha can get A1 and either feel surprised or satisfied.
All those "A1 particles" somehow popped and disappeared or converted to "How? particles". Those one-word questions were leading to: how am I going to carry on from here? Drop Higher Chinese? Continue?
You see, if it's A1 (a signal for me to continue) or a B3 (a signal for me to drop immediately) that's still not so bad, at least it's definite. A2 is like neither here nor there and once again, I've to make a tough decision which will change my life.
I couldn't get over it, I just couldn't. I want to study Higher Chinese not just to get a -2 for my L1R5, but rahter, it"s for the culture, the understanding. I talked to Mr Ngoi about it. Knowing that I have no intensions of getting into a JC, he said it was wiser for me to concentrate on other subjects and just re-take my Chinese and get a 1. The choice lies in me.
I was totally not in the mood to take the Chemistry theory revision test and the Physics practical in the afternoon lah, but no choice, just anyhow whacked. And after the tests, I continued crying... lolx.
I decided to go out for dinner for I didn't eat breakfast and lunch and since I wasted so much energy crying, I could feel that my stomach was filled with nothing but gas. I kept burping, somehow. I was hungry.
I called Mummy to tell her my dinner plans, and my "faithful" result, and uncontrllably broke down again. I though I should tell my Er ge too, and unknowingly, my emotions got over me.
I'm so confused about my future!
Anyway, I'd like to spread my thanks to those who comforted me, YinShuang Jasmine Soo Han Mrs Lim (DM)! Clarissa Yuyi Isabel Hazel 4J boys (someone silently provided tissue) 4J girls Naomi Denise Ms Tan Mr Tan! (he seriously talked some sense into me) Bernice Cousin Bobbi Mdm Huang (she called me!) Mr Ngoi >=( (can't blame him to by my HCL teacher) Mama, Papa, Korkor many many more... (doesn't mean that you name is not stated means you're neglected k?)
Right now, I'm waiting for papa to come home so that we all can sit down and have a discussion over how I should go on.
8:39 pm;
. . . . .
know me
littlest of the Pang Family
people call me ChiawMIN or ZhaoMIN
was from Maha Bodhi School