It's a new year, a year which I was totally terrified of.
You may be wondering why... Well, I'm really not prepared for Sec 4 at all, AT ALL! The thought that I'm only months away from the 'O's really haunts me! I was so not looking forward to school at all. Having to perpare for just a simple Normal/Express Chinese Paper was already soooo much work and this time round, it's not just 1 easily manageable subject I'm talking about, it's 4 major fearful ones and 3 hopeful ones. Just the thought of these makes me perspire alot (okay, maybe not, but I have that kinduf feeling).
You can ask Sharmane about how crazy I was that night (maybe 1-2am) when I was chatting with her online about not wanting to go to school, not being in the mood to complete my homework, etc. I was totally ranting everything out. And then I wanted to be a hardcore... wanting to be kiasu when it comes to academia so that I won't have to face failures all over again... Life's tough.
I decided to head to bed and hopefully get out of it after a good sleep. That night, I had a dream... Somehow the TK SLCs were on this charity project to help some place in Toa Payoh/ Bishan and we were suppose to go there regularly during the holidays. But when I finally got there after a bus ride with a chee-ko-pek (old male pervert) sitting right beside me throughout the ride, Josephine and Mdm Halilah were the only 2 people there with those folks. Jo was telling not to worry and stuff... And Mdm Halilah comforted me! I think she said: Put down whatever setbacks you have... don't let them hinder your way... (something like that)
That was weird! When I got up in the morning, that somehow helped, A LOT! I was getting more optimistic about the new year.
Just last night, hours before we changed our calendar, I was chatting online with Esther (guides junior). When I told her about this, she actually mentioned that Mdm Halilah may be my guardian angel! And Olivia (SLC) exclaimed that she's my fairygod mother...lolx!
It reminded me of the NYC days when she first saw me broke down during a peer mentoring activity in Sarimbun camp. It was about sharing with a partner a relationship which I hope I could improve on. My partner was Vivian. And when my tears dropped in her sight once again during March council camp while I was stressed out between school work and council elections, she asked Vivian to check me out. I was so touched. She may have never said a personal word to me before, but that kind of silent care she has been giving me... it's really kinduf like a guardian angel >.<
here's a soothing song <<慢舞>> by Rui En: align="left">
here's another song, with a little attitude in it <<讨厌>>:
May 2009 bring joy, hope, success and peace to everyone!
10:31 am;
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know me
littlest of the Pang Family
people call me ChiawMIN or ZhaoMIN
was from Maha Bodhi School