For some of us in TK, today was the last day of the Mid-Year Exams. I'm considered lucky, for I'm one of them too.
As said in this post's title, the examinations period was supposed to be the most stressful period for most schooling teens. However, it was probably the only period I got to have time for myself.
Since the start of Sec 3, I've never really felt like this, and this time, I really feel how (I won't want to say relaxed) at ease I was to spend time with myself (though I was with my friends), talk to myself (I'm not nuts; that's just a simple way to understand myself), take a break from the usual hectic schedule. Before exams, it life was just like travelling in a bullet train, but I just didn't know when the next stop will be and when will my destination arrive. It's just plain busy, sometimes not knowing what for. Probably only stressing myself out, maybe still having very high expectations from myself, but I just really want to be as good as I used to be (in terms of academics) and at the same time, continue to strive towards my passion and what I believe in, and to continue to be a better person.
I've seen the peak of my growth last year; if I'm not wrong, I was ranked 103/323 and 129/320 in my level last year, and I saw my inner ability grew as well. I felt like the most successful person on earth at the end of the year, being able to sustain academically and being able to be a better person.
This year haven't been an easy year and I know I should by now be able to get use to the lifestyle. It's a shame that because I haven't seen the results of my expectations, I no longer have the almost unmoveable determination I used to have so as not to be affected by negative remarks and influences around me. I don't really bother about the remarks, but I see the power of peer pressure. Never had I thought that I can be so easily affected. I'm defeated.
Once next week starts, I should be on the go like it was, preparing for investiture and guides' test works and that kind of thing, you know. Hectic life, like it used to be, simple. That's why exams period is a time for me to chill a little, NOT slack (it's exams, people!).
I do hope that I can score good enough for this exams. Studying the hard way didn't help for the last common test, so I tried another style of studying. I've been a student for the last 9 years and I still don't have a comfortable and suitable style of studying, can you believe it? Okay, let me phrase it this way, the ways I used to study to do well somehow doesn't seem to work for me now. Hence, I'm still experimenting with other alternatives. I can't just stop, right? Hopefully it will be at least slightly better, but I do hope that the best solution can be found as soon as possible before anyone's even counting down to my 'O' levels.
Most probably I'll end up like a wrinkled baby, being pessimistic and sobbing and all those you-know-what again, if I fail to do good enough. I wonder if I'll still be able to see hope and continue to stay determine. I can't blame 3J, they're a fine bunch. It's just me.
I need encouragement and motivation, not verbally but with actions. It's my only drive, perhaps. It's an URGENT NEED.
Since the exams are over and there're still 4 days to the release of the papers from the various subjects, I shall just do whatever I like and who knows, my daily routine may change from that special Monday.
I've started reading on "The Subtle Knife" today. I'm a slow reader, so it'll be a miracle if I'm able to finish it by before the Hwa Chong Camp.
I'll be updating on some happenings before the exams these few days too... so much had happened and there're so much more coming up...
10:18 pm;
. . . . .
know me
littlest of the Pang Family
people call me ChiawMIN or ZhaoMIN
was from Maha Bodhi School