Wednesday, 27 February 2008
total LOSERY
I went to Qian Hu Fish Farm yesterday on an excursion trip under the science department. I bought a fighting fish.
I attended the PLGMSS's Prefect Installation this afternoon. It was pretty nice listening to the stories and cracking jokes with Vivian, Esther and Kevin. Most importantly, we were able to meet all the BBAF (BoBbi And Friends) people except Tessa and another girl who's also part of the NYGR Youth Congress project. It was really great to see all of them again. We took quite some pictures as well. I'll upload them probably during the weekends.
Let's get back to the topic.
What's the first impression you have of a fighting fish? Bold? Determined? Strong? High-endrance? Always in the ever-fighting spirit?
Well, those were my impression of a fighting fish, that's why I bought it. Moreover, it had a cool, dark black body with blue wavy tail that shines under different lighting. So it showed the boldness yet calm and cool that I used to be and yet losing now. It was suppose to be my motivator, but it just died today.
I wanted to feed it some fish food, but the one at home was only for guppies because my mum was afraid that the one for tropical fishes one was expiring, so she got the guppies one and threw the tropical fishes one, and I didn't know. So when I found out, I decided to try feeding it to my fighting fish, but it didn't like it as it gobbled some and spit everything out. I couldn't do anything. Then, I intended to set aside some water so that I could change today, and buy some proper food for him.
So I was really in high spirits to see him on his second day at home, with a packet of live bloddworms and a bottle of worms fish food. When I sat down in front of the container where he should be swimming freely in, he turned out to be stiff and greyish, somehow as though he was covered with a thick layer of wax. The water was rather filthy. I got emotional.
That fish meant a lot to me. Even when my family was asking why did I even spend that extra money to buy something which I had to spend time taking extra care of. Seriously, has been moving downwards in my life; my academics, family matters, CCA, NYC project, or anything. Basically, I haven't been pro-active in anything that I've been doing since school reopened in January.
Right at that moment, I felt like a complete loser, not being able to achieve the best out of anything, even by keeping a fish which should be able to overcome tough living conditions. It's really saddening to see that I had polluted the water and killed my own soul of motivation. To be frank, I've never cried for the death of an animal before, never ever. This shows that my fighting fish meant more than just any other fighting fish, it was a special fish which is graceful and bold.
Goodbye fighting fish. Thank you for awakening me when I was lost. This sacrifice was significant and shall always be.
Don't worry, I won't be purchasing any other fighting fish till I've really settled all my problems and continue to lead a purposeful life.
Special thanks to Vivian who heard me out and gave me some advises and just simply sitting with me. Thanks for your presense.