Thursday, 28 February 2008
Get over it, c'monY
It's quite true, life still goes on no matter what happens. 开心也是过一天,不开心也是过一天,倒不如开心地过一天. Like what I've always told people around me, the lowest points of our lives are just challenges which we have to overcome in order to be stronger and understand life. Somehow I've learnt more about myself these 2 days.
I'm thankful for those who pulled open that door which almost shut, for your encouragement and advices, time and concern, I felt the need for me to get back to who I used to be morally in order to get back on track and find the lost racing track.
Everything seems fine now, though I'm still feeling rather down and unhappy. After the serious "down pour" last night, my eyes felt heavy even when I woke up and washed my face. I was quite untuned during lessons, except for CHOICES. Even during A-maths when Mdm Halilah called for me to solve question 11a on Quadratic Inequalities, I was so fearful. The usual perfectionist wanted to solve it on a piece of paper then present the working nicely on the board, but Mdm Halilah sarcastically asked me to do it directly on the board, saying," Chiaw Min, the difference between doing on a piece of paper and on the board is just that now you're holding a pencil and on the board, you're using a marker, so can you get a marker and just continue?" I was seriously lack of confidence and was asking Kenneth who was solving 11b next to me to help, which was totally impossible and I knew. So I just solve and had some minor transfer-calculation error which was corrected and surprisingly, with a sigh of relief, I got the correct answer. I knew Mdm Halilah wanted to test me.
Well,
Vivian did help me open up to myself to face the truth, which led me to see all the awful sides of me that I've been avoiding. Realisation is a hope for change. That was something I learnt from her.
Jin Jin Kor Kor's guidance was really meaningful to me. He could have just spend his precious time studying but he choose to hear me out and help me find my way on my own. I did see a spark of light after reading through the conversation we had on MSN, but was probably too exhausted after the long day out and the emotional break down. I see the light shining now, kor. Thanks for being there for me.
Isabel too; though she didn't know how to handle situations like this, the least she did was to lend her listening ear and be with me silently ( the best way, she felt, to console me).
Si Yuan was the last person who finally shook me awake. I was ranting about being such a loser so much to the extent that everything we talked about was linked to me being a loser and all the negative stuff. She said she didn't know me, for I'm not the Chiaw Min she used to know, the determined and "never say die" attitude was gone and that I'm a pessimist. I told her that I'd lost my direction and that I'd been a optimist for quite long already. She was really pissed off with me that she even used the F-word on me and even emphasized that she couldn't believe that she's actually doing that. She openly said she wanted to slap me.
Isabel, Yi Jing and she were having lunch at Burger King while I had a little nap on the table. After I woke up, everything seemed not so tense, not as bad as it was before. Okay, so I'm still optimistic after all. Si Yuan, I'm back; Hi.
Thanks to Crystal and YanYing mentors as well. Thanks for your words of concern.
It's time for me to get back on my feet and trying walking again before I continue to run my own race. Thank you people for being in the crowd of spectators to cheer me on. Appreciate it a lot, really.